That Awkward Moment

        I don’t know what it is about spring in New York City. The season brings out the best in everyone. I know for myself, winter pushes me to my fashion edge. I don’t drive so layers it is, tights, leggings, jeans, sweats. I’m not kidding! I don’t want to feel the cold. That being said, I’m MIA for a good two months in winter, when it’s at its coldest. I don’t know about other New Yorkers, but I’m just not that social when it’s below zero. However, when spring comes around, that’s when I am inspired to get into my Audrey Hepburn mode. Ankle length slacks, blazers, flats. It’s the season where my hair gets longer, straighter, with a little curl. You can see the sparkle of my earrings, and my nails get painted. I’m dancing all over town, reveling in the feel of warmer weather and longer days. 

I met Aaron on a warm spring day. It was one of those random moments when someone comes into my job asking about the club upstairs. I politely gave him the information, stating it would be open later in the day. 

"Wow, your're beautiful." He said

"And you're flirting with me!" I said, shocked because I am that girl.

"Of course I am." he replied. "Are you going upstairs tonight?"

"No, sadly I'm not allowed."

"Well, Is there any other lounge in the city?"

"Yes." I smiled

He came back at the end of my shift, and off we went. I told my co-workers everything just in case I went missing. It was a really beautiful experience. We went to a beautiful roof top bar on the east side. He kissed me in the elevator. “I just want to keep kissing you.” He said. “Why?” I asked. He turned me towards the mirror. “Why wouldn't I? Look at you.” Did I mention he’s in his late 40’s? Old man swag, its real ya’ll. We went to the W hotel and laughed a good portion of the night away in the bar. Then it came time for the night to end somehow. He walked me half way to Penn station. I was quite aware that he lived close by. “So…” He whispered while kissing my ear. “Are we ending the night?”

                       Ah, that awkward moment. 

I didn't go home with him. I’m not interested in having sex with a stranger. But that seems to be everybody’s agenda now days’.                  

“Hi! My name is Mike, when can we fuck?”                                             

Now Aaron was a gentleman, and if we went on a few more dates and he acted the same way, it could have went down. He’s a business man who travels however, so it wasn't in the cards. Plus I wasn't attracted to him like that. But ever since I was a young virgin with budding small boobs, men and boys have been trying to get all up in this. And I might be a freak, but it turns me off. I’ll never forget being a freshman in college, and a boy I was crushing on actually talked to me in the library. The conversation was going great until;

"You hear about People actually having sex in the library."

"Really!? No! That's crazy." I laughed.

"Yeah... Would... You... Like to have sex... In the library?"

That awkward moment.

"No." And then he never talked to me again.

Is it me? Is there some kind of sign on my forehead; “Ask me for sex!” I know I’m woefully old fashioned. So, it IS me. Recently one of the FedEx delivery guys started flirting with me. My co-worker Sunny hooked it up. “She’s single.” She sang. He asked for my number and that’s a wrap. He’s cute; he has a good job, Seems sweet. And ya’ll know my agenda. Perfect. He called me later that night.     

"So tell me about yourself." He said.

"Well, I love to dance, I'm getting into the art of cooking, I love God and my birthday is 7/9."

"Oh really? 7/9! I heard you people are clean freaks, and freaks in bed. Is that true?"

"Well I don't think I'm a clean freak... I'm kind of sloppy actually."

"And what about in bed?" He asked.

"I don't think that's an appropriate conversation for our first phone call."

                                  I AM A SQUARE!

The next day when I told Sunny she exclaimed;                            

"Girl no one to waste time! He wants to know if you're a lame or nah, don't nobody wanna lay down with no dry bitch!"

"I don't even like him like that."

"OK but that's not the point. You are dating and trying to create options. You can't do that if you are being judgmental." then she gave me her famous side eye.

BBG Wareen, another co-worker had a different take. "Guys are always going to push to see how far they can go."

  He never stopped though. Sex keeps getting slipped into the conversation. Should I really be this bothered? I've been harassed for sex for about two decades now. Should I now consider this the norm? I like sex. I do! I just don’t think it should be so… important when you are trying to get to know somebody. I want to be courted! Wined and dined! OK, I’ll be the first to admit it. I did grow up on Disney, and romance novels. My mother and older sister were huge soap opera fans! So yes! I expect an amazing love story for my life. I want someone to be interested in my thoughts and ideals. Why am I the way I am? Why are you the way you are? Can we walk through the park together, sit under the warmth of the sun or the shine of the moon and just talk to each other, until we recognize something inside of ourselves that presses our lips together. Can we go on an adventure? It doesn't have to be expensive, we could go to the Lincoln center outdoors, or listen to the Philharmonic play at Central Park… a picnic at the park. We can visit the African arts festival, or the Afro Punk festival. We can museum hop! I want to find out who you are happy, mad, sad and in between. The point is can I see if I like you enough to want to be your friend? Can we become as close as best friends? Can I get to know you before I let you inside? Find out what kind of man you are, who I may be raising a child with, owning property with, growing old with. Who will I take care of or care for me in our old age? Am I thinking too much? Is all this really old fashioned? Maybe that’s why I’m single.

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